Friday, July 28, 2006

The Scent of a Woman

At around 7 p.m. tonight I suggested to Joanne we go for a ride on our bikes.

I would have made my suggestion earlier only there was this 38 year-old episode of Star Trek on the Sci-Fi channel in which Kirk and Spock encounter the Klingons for the first time. The fact that we own every episode of the original Star Trek series in two different formats didn’t dull my enthusiasm for putting off doing anything.

But you know there’s only one thing worse than having to get your backside off the couch and go do some exercise and that’s how bad you feel if you don’t.

It was calm night, barely a breeze to be felt. We set off down from our home in Cornaigmore and headed in the direction of Kenovay.

I really needed to get some work done on my bad knee. I’m falling way behind with my half-marathon training schedule but high impact exercise seems inadvisable. So it was out with the mountain bikes and off we went.

Seven miles ought to do it, we felt.

I was pleased with the way it was going by the time we climbed that short but sometimes wicked little hill at Rossdhu, heading in the direction of Crossapol.

And then, just over the cattle grid, it happened.

We’d pulled over in to a ‘pocket’ to let an approaching car pass, me in front. Then I heard a strangled cry behind me. I looked behind me just in time to see Joanne complete a tumble on to her left side. Thank God, she’s laughing, I thought, running back to her.

And then, holding up her gloved left hand I saw it. The cow crap. The fresh cow crap.

The car we’d pulled over to let pass us stopped and the lady driver enquired after Joanne. She saw that we were laughing and she saw the funny side too. As Joanne stood up we learned the awful truth: her backside was covered in the stuff.

The car left and we decided to head back the way we came. I soon decided to lead the way as cycling behind Joanne at this point – downwind – was a very unhealthy option.

We were barely started back on the road when the lady driver came back with some kitchen roll and a bottle of soapy water. We used the roll and the water to clean the crap off Joanne’s trousers. How kind. This lady was staying at Kenovay and had rushed home to get some stuff to help out.

After this kind Samaritan left we headed back to Cornaigmore and took the commemorative picture you see above.

Now, there is a school of thought that accidentally making contact with this substance ensures good luck. Whether you step in it, whether it lands on your head from above, whatever, this usually spells a reversal of fortune.

Watch this space.

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